I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
