Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
