dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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