normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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