idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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