I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
