i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
