I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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