i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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