do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
