my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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