This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
