Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
from now on my penis is your penis
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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