dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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