i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
