You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.