Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.