I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.