im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.