he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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