I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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