Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
