I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
