lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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