whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
