By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've blown a few things in my day
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
