hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
