you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
