Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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