Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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