She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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