okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
