they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
