do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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