I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
