it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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