the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
