Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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