I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
