Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
