i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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