Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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