Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
