i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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