if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
