Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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