Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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