Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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