Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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