You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
