Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
