Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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