Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
