I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
