I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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