I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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