Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
