i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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