She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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