i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just pee around me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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