I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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