Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There r osticjed everywhere
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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