do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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