i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
